The trap of negative self-talk

Are you caught up in negative self-talk? Do you have a relentless inner self or critical parent who taunts you at every turn?

Usually, this aspect of your mind develops as a young child in response to messages you receive from those around you. If you had a critical parent, you may have internalized his or her negative messages about you, continued to repeat them to yourself as a child, and now carry on in the same way as an adult.

Even if your parents were loving, no parent is perfect and few marriages are without conflict. Young children readily absorb the world around them, and usually take a parent’s expectations or moments of frustration seriously. So you may still have picked up and internalized negative messages about yourself.

As insidious as these critical beliefs can be, sometimes they run like background noise in your mind, so you don’t consciously or fully hear them. Nevertheless, they control your life. They impact your moods, diminish your feelings of self-worth, and obstruct your ability to accomplish your dreams.

You would never say those kinds of critical things to a friend, would you? And if you heard a friend saying such negativities to herself, you would rush to reassure her of her value.

Now it’s time to reassure yourself of your own value.

15 Negative Self-Beliefs to Drop Right Now

Here are some of the most comment negative phases that haunt many people, and some tips on how to think about them and respond in a positive way.

Would you like to shift your negative self-talk to positive self-talk? The first step is to become mindful of your self-talk.

Once you are aware of your negative stories, you can create affirmations and antidotes to offset each one, and gradually feel happier each day.

1. I’m unlovable

The question is : Do you love yourself?

Friends, family, and lovers come and go. If you depend on others to feel loved, you’ll often feel disappointed, unloved, or unlovable.

Real love is a feeling that arises within, and it begins with self-respect, self-love, and a willingness to open your heart. Healthy self-love isn’t a nauseating, self-absorbed emotion, but rather a range of positive qualities and abilities that combine to make a healthy, whole person.

If you want to feel lovable, start loving yourself.

2. I can’t trust anyone

I have had many disappointments in my life, which have made it difficult for me to trust others.

Focus on learning to trust yourself more. It helps me make wiser choices. For example, I’m less likely to involve myself with people who are undeserving of my trust. I may make mistakes again when it comes to trusting, but I’ll probably catch it sooner. It’s all part of my learning process here on this earth.

Start by learning to trust yourself. Listen to your inner voice and act on its guidance. Follow your gut instincts. Be clear on what’s true for you.

When you trust yourself, you’ll find it easier to trust others, those who are trustworthy.

3. Other people get more

Some people are magnetic and seem to get whatever it is that they want in life. Or maybe they just have good karma.

But instead of focusing on them, focus on what it is you want in life. Outline the steps you need to take to get there. Then do your best.

Also, ask yourself, is it really the person with the most marbles that wins? Maybe it’s not about more, but feeling grateful for what you already have.

When you feel grateful for all the goodness in your life, you’ll no longer worry about whether others get more.

4. I’m invisible

Feeling invisible often means feeling unseen and left out. As a result, you go further and further into your shell.

Instead, dare to be vulnerable and come out of hiding. Start to reach out and make connections with people who uplift you and make you feel seen. Just start with one person. If you don’t feel seen by that person, move on to the next.

Above all, make sure you see yourself. Make a list of your qualities and accomplishments. Everyday, write down something or several things you appreciate yourself for.

When you feel good about yourself, you shine. People will definitely see you.

5. No one understands me

Have you heard this quote from Dr. Stephen R. Covey?

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

He says that it’s the most important principle he’s learned in the field of interpersonal relationships.

If you feel like no one understands you, try to understand them first. Gradually, see if it makes a difference in your relationships.

Also, hone up on your communication skills so you’re clearly communicating your wishes, needs and who you truly are. Ask people to repeat back what you’ve told them, so you can ascertain whether they you understand you or not. Learn Non-Violent Communication techniques.

6. No one cares

What would it look like if someone cared?

Look back on your life, start with the last few months, and identify times when people showed or expressed care. Keep a list of times when someone does something nice for you. It could be as simple as bringing you a cup of tea or opening a door for you. A list like this will remind you that you live in a world where most people care.

If your friends are so self-absorbed they don’t express care towards you, it’s probably time to move on. Build a support system of people who do care, one by one. Join a support group.

7. I’m ugly

It’s hard to escape this one given the way advertising companies do all they can to promote a singular image of beauty. No wonder eating disorders run rampant in the modern world. People with a negative body image are more like to develop an eating disorder, which brings serious suffering.

Consider what you can do to develop a positive body image, whatever your size, shape, or looks.

And remember, beauty is more than outer appearances. When you feel good about yourself, you radiate a positive energy that no one can resist.

8. I’m broken

So many people struggle with profound childhood wounds and traumas that have led them to addictions, self-destructive behaviors, and co-dependent relationships. If you feel broken, you’re not alone.

But you can heal, and there is so much more knowledge, awareness, and help available these days.

9. I’m stupid

Maybe you had a learning disability as a child. Maybe there was a certain topic in school you just couldn’t grasp. And maybe it’s a lie one of your parents told you when they felt impatient or angry. None of this means you’re stupid.

You may not have a genius IQ, neither do I, but there are many different forms of intelligence.

In addition to brain power, there’s emotional intelligence. There’s know-how, handiness, and being able to get along in this world. There’s creative intelligence, the ability to use your imagination, come up with original ideas, or express your visions through artistic mediums.

You likely have at least one form of intelligence. Which is it? Own it! Celebrate it!

10. I’m not good enough

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may have tried to fix your parent’s problems either by trying to be better in some way, or acting out to capture his or her attention.

You probably hoped that if you could just make your parent or parents happy, they would love you, spend time with you, and take care of you. But no matter what you did, you could not fix their problems. So you began to believe you’re not good enough.

This may have been your way of surviving in a dysfunctional family, but it’s not a belief you need to continue to hold onto. You’ll never be able to fix other people’s problems, but that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.

11. I’m not safe

Sometimes this belief emerges when wounding occurred very early — in the womb or very soon after birth. Repeated shocks can cause a fragile self to fragment and runaway back to the spirit world, which feels safer than the physical body and physical world.

As a result, you may not have been able to complete the first developmental task of embodiment. Embodiment involves developing a strong sense of self that is securely attached to the body, as well as a strong energetic boundary to protect yourself from future disturbances.

This feeling and belief can also result when you live in an environment where there’s emotional or physical abuse. Naturally, you don’t feel safe and may carry that belief into your adulthood.

If the wounding occurred early, you could do embodiment practices – actually feeling your physical body and realizing you are safe in this moment. If you suffered from physical or emotional trauma, you could start therapy and explore ways that you could begin to feel safe.

Safety is a prerequisite for all other personal growth.

12. I’m alone

If one or both of your parents were emotionally absent, you may feel all alone in the world.

So as an adult, you may feel like you can do it all on your own, and you don’t need anyone else; thus isolating yourself. Or you may feel like no one will help you. You might have chosen a partner who is emotionally distant because that’s what you’re accustomed to.

As much as you feel alone, you may resist connection even though you desperately want and need it.

You’ll have to push through and begin to develop your social skills, reach out to others and establish connections. You can start small and be gentle with yourself as you venture out.

Reflect on what a genuine sense of connection feels like to you, and then try to establish that with others.

13. I don’t belong

This is another believe that can emerge when wounding occurred very early – in the womb or very soon after birth. You may feel like you don’t belong in your family, with other people, or on this earth. This quote from Brene Brown speaks directly to this belief:

“Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission. Stop scouring people’s faces for evidence that you’re not enough. You will always find it because you’ve made that your goal. True belonging and self-worth are not goods; we don’t negotiate their value with the world. The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you.”

Keep telling yourself: “No one belongs here more than me.”

14. I don’t matter

“Nature never repeats herself, and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton

You’re a unique soul, so of course you matter. You were born for a reason. You have something to offer to this world.

It doesn’t have to be epic. It can be as simple as sharing a smile with those you encounter as you go about your day, giving someone your full attention, or being a good parent.

15. I’m not valuable

Recognizing your value means owning your qualities, talents, and abilities. So list them out. Return to the list whenever you feel you’re not valuable. Write down compliments you receive, and revisit them whoever you need a boost.

Your mind is the architect of your life. Every thought colors your experience and slants it this way or that way. You plant karmic seeds with your thoughts, and they become the unconscious patterns of your mind. You’ll never have a happy, satisfied, peaceful life if you ascribe to negative beliefs about yourself.

Your Mind Is Powerful

There’s no need to judge your self-critical thoughts or to judge yourself harshly for having thoughts like these. Just notice them when they appear and chose a different thought, a positive one.

Don’t let negative self-talk destroy your self-worth and confidence. Decide to be aware of your mind and the way you speak to yourself. Turn around the negative stories, one by one. You’ll feel happier, stronger, and more confident each and every day.

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